I have two places I go to in my imagination when I want to change my mood. Having these getaway spots has made a big difference in my life. I bet you’d benefit by having one or more peace places too if you don’t already have them.

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When I want to feel more relaxed and at peace, I imagine sitting on an Adirondack-style chair overlooking a body of water, usually at sunset. There is always a breeze in this place of mine, and a sense of calm imbues the scene. My favorite spot of this Peace Place collection is on a lanai with a view of the beach with coconut palms gently swaying above me. I can hear the seagulls and the wind, I can smell the saltwater and tropical flowers, and I can see the waves lapping. I have a notecard with a similar picture that someone sent me to help me reach that place. …


In response to a cognitive test I took, and learning that I need to focus on focusing (oooh, look at that shiny butterfly!), I started reading Jim Kwik’s book “Limitless”. Jim teaches people how to learn, think, and read — among other things. He introduced the concept of unlimiting very early in the book. What a beautiful concept! And how appropriate for those who struggle with their potential.

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According to dictionaries, unlimiting means not limiting. Jim Kwik’s definition in his book Limitless goes into more detail and resonates with me — it’s a more compelling definition. According to Jim, it means the act or process of casting aside inaccurate and restrictive perceptions of one’s potential and embracing the reality that, with the right mindset, motivation, and methods, there are no limitations. …


Four years ago I wrote an article about what the “opposite” of fear is. In it, I shared what others thought it might be, tossed around some of my ideas, and drew some analogies, but ultimately concluded I didn’t have any answers and didn’t think there was one correct answer.

Consider the path to my different conclusion. I’ve identified fear as the basis for most, if not all, of the issues my clients bring to me to help them work through so they can live more satisfying, successful, and joyous lives. You may have noticed the number of articles lately that talk about different aspects of fear. …


Do you want to really succeed at a goal? Try Why Power instead of Willpower, then. And set your environment to be goal-enriching to support your behavior toward that goal.

I’ve used willpower and setting up my environment to help me reach several goals, but the willpower flagged with time.

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Have you ever wondered why sometimes you set a goal and reach it, and stay there, and other times you hardly get out of the gate before you fall off course? I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about that.

I have one theory that I think has legs, but I’ve never researched the elements of it enough to do anything with it. Let’s see what you think. You have to put your heart, mind, and stomach into committing to the goal. If you don’t have all three, you don’t have a solid commitment. Without the three you don’t have strong enough willpower. …


Fear can be immobilizing. Fear can short-circuit your logic center. Fear can make you act irrationally.

The longer you focus on the fear the bigger, scarier, and more uncomfortable it gets.

Fear has a purpose. It’s telling you to act. There are three fear responses: fight, flight, freeze. Each of those responses is an action, and they can each have good or bad outcomes.

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Taking action is a great way to transform your fear into rational and logical steps. And when you do that, you gain untold levels of freedom. What a way to live your life!

If you stay present, you can be clearly focused on the problem — not the fear — so you can take sound action, be that fight, flight, or freeze. If you don’t stay present, your thinking won’t be as clear so your decisions likely won’t be sound — and you may not take a helpful step toward resolution. …


“Black sheep” is how I describe my position in my family. I’m the only one who’s been divorced, doesn’t have kids, am the only entrepreneur, and has walked a pilgrimage.

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I feel like the black sheep in essentially all of my interactions in life. Compared to most people I interact with, I think differently, see the world differently, and express myself differently. When I was active in Toastmasters, it was common for me to be a judge in the various speech contests that were held; my vote tended to run opposite the majority of the votes on who spoke the best. …


Lisa, my business strategy coach, saw a picture of my office’s reading corner posted on my Facebook page and asked about it. She learned about Joy, the fabric Phoenix sculpture, my Bo Eason football, and “the little man”.

“The little man” was a soft sculpture of my dad, done by one of his friends for his 60th birthday. It’s the perfect representation of him: a map for an oil well project held in his arms, his cardigan sweater and slacks, his loafer shoes, and the wire-framed glasses worn on his forehead when he wasn’t needing them to see up close.

As she asked questions, one particular story came out that I realized was really about overcoming the fear of traditions and living your own satisfying life in the process. How married are you to rules and traditions? …


Because I talk a lot about fear with friends and clients, I sometimes hear an objection along the lines of, “Who will I be without my fear?”

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You are a wonderful package of intelligence, humor, diverse interests, a collection of friends and associates wrapped in a bundle of fears, anxieties, worries, and stress. That’s quite a package, wouldn’t you say? That bundle may be so tight around and through you that the full essence of who you are is constricted and lost. …


I have a new hobby. It came out of surveying a dozen-or-so people about the course I was preparing to develop on helping people learn to overcome their fear. I have come to love asking people about their fear — what causes it, how they deal with it, how it shows up in their lives, and how it concerns them. These conversations are always interesting and challenge me to create an even better course.

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The most common response in the conversations, in and out of the survey, was “I’m afraid of not getting over my fear”. Some are so afraid that they haven’t even tried. Some are afraid because they’ve tried and failed too many times. An undercurrent I detected in some is that they were so afraid of not getting over their fear that they started calling it by other names, giving these people the sense they had either dealt with their fears or didn’t have any at this point. …


It was the twins’ 10th birthday. Their parents had carefully selected their gifts and put them in the kids’ respective bedrooms when they were out. The excitement built as the kids returned from their outing and were told their gifts were in their rooms.

The little boy ran to his room, threw open the door, and saw a dazzling array of toys. There was a programmable toy dog, a Uniwheel skateboard, a Space Blaster shooting game, and a remote control dragon, for starters. His eyes were big with anticipation as he rummaged through the different toys. …

About

Kit Cassingham

As a transformation coach with over 30 years of experience, I guide people to amplify their lives to achieve excellence. https://LiveInFocusedEnergy.com

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